Below is an excerpt from a pastor's book on dealing with depression, I Trust When Dark My Road. Todd Peperkorn is a Lutheran pastor who has walked the path of clinical depression. I found this excerpt very comforting in light of recent events, and I encourage you, my friends, to read it too, if you are struggling. The entire book is available for free download here: I Trust When Dark My Road
The Christian and Suicide
Could this happen to you? Believe it. Anyone is susceptible
to events like mine. Satan revels in them. As with Saul, Judas,
and so many others, Satan can use any external force to drive
us to despair. Martin Luther once wrote:
Since the devil is not only a liar, but also a murderer
[John 8:44], he constantly seeks our life. He wreaks
his vengeance whenever he can afflict our bodies
with misfortune and harm. Therefore, it happens
that he often breaks men’s necks or drives them to
insanity, drowns some, and moves many to commit
suicide and to many other terrible disasters [e.g.,
Mark 9:17–22].41
41 Paul Timothy McCain, (ed.), Concordia: The Lutheran Confessions
– A Reader’s Edition of the Book of Concord, 2nd ed. (St. Louis,
MO: Concordia Publishing House, 2007), 422. Used with permission.
This is so true, and a disease of the mind is the perfect
ground for Satan to plant his sick weeks of unbelief.
Is it a sin to consider such thoughts as suicide? This is
one of the many questions of guilt that trouble the clinically
depressed. Self-death is a sin, but it is only a sin. Jesus died
for all our sins, even suicide or worse. We are often placed
in impossible situations, where we sin if we do, and sin if
we don’t. Even if external forces (extended illness, loss of
work, etc.) put us in such a situation, sin is still sin. But more
importantly, Jesus’ forgiveness is still forgiveness.
Christ came to take our death. We really died in the
font, not when our body is laid to rest. This means that no
matter what terrible thoughts you harbor in your soul, in the
midst of your despair, Christ is there. You may not be able to
see Him, feel Him, or touch Him, but He is there. You are
washed in Baptism; you are cleansed in His name. You are His
holy child, beloved in His sight. Yes, you suffer. It is painful.
But suffer as the redeemed. For you will come out whole and
undefiled in the end.
Prayer
O eternal and merciful God, I give eternal thanks to
You that so far You have guarded me from countless
evils and provided me with the protection of Your
holy angels. Your gracious acts by which You have
protected me from evil are even more numerous
than the acts by which You give good things to me.
Whenever I see others suffer evils of body and soul, I
acknowledge Your kind mercy toward me. If, indeed,
I am free from such cares and evils, I owe this only to
Your goodness.
How great is the power of the devil. How great is
his deceitfulness. Every time that wicked spirit, our
powerfully cunning enemy, has tried to condemn me,
I have been able to flee his net and find safety behind
the shield of Your kindness and the protection of
the angels. Can anyone count the traps of the devil?
Who can count the times You have protected us
from his traps? When I sleep, Your providential eye
watches over me to prevent that hellish enemy, who
walks around like a roaring lion (I Peter 5:8), from
surprising me with his traps and powers. When Satan
attacks me with his temptations by day, the strength
of Your right hand comforts me in the kindest way
and prevents that deceitful tempter from enticing
me into his snares. When a countless army of evils
threatens me, the camps of Your angels (Psalm 34:7)
surround me like a wall of fire (Zechariah 2:5).
Even the most trifling and insignificant creature
threatens me with various dangers. How great and
boundless is Your kindness that You keep me safe
from them. My soul and body are inclined to fall into
sin. Because this is so, kindest Father, You rule my
soul by Your Spirit, my body by an angelic shield. You
command Your angels to guard me wherever I go and
to support me with their hands so my feet are not
dashed against a stone (Psalm 91:11-12). Because of
Your mercy, I am not destroyed. New dangers surround
me every day, therefore Your mercies are new to me
every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). You do not
slumber or sleep, O faithful and watchful Keeper of
soul and body (Psalm 121:4). Your grace is the shade
at my right hand that keeps the scorching midday
rays of open and harsh persecution from striking me
down and guards me from the calamities and hidden
ambushes of the night (Psalms 121:6). You watch over
my coming in, direct my going forth, and govern my
going out (Psalm 121:8). For this kindness, I will sing
praise eternally to You and to Your name. Amen.
✦
42 Johann Gerhard, Meditations on Divine Mercy: A Classic
Treasury of Devotional Prayers, trans. Matthew Harrison (St. Louis,
MO: Concordia Publishing House, 2003), 88-89.
