The Kind of Mom I Hope I Have Been

My daughter Ashley, who just had her first baby, posted the following article on Facebook and thanked me for modelling this style of motherhood for her. I hope I did, and I am very touched. Thank you, Ashley, your mom needed to hear these words today!

a mom with a dream

Dear One,

When you announce your entrance into this crazy dance called motherhood, there is going to be cheering and laughter. There will be parties! With presents! And hugs, and tears, and crying and congratulations. Then, there will be questions, so many questions. What are you having? Do you have a name? Are you planning a natural birth? Have you considered birthing in water? Are you going to breastfeed? (Get ready for it darling, perfect strangers will ask you about your breasts in the middle of the cereal aisle.) Is it an international adoption? What country are you going through? Can you accurately express for me your views on adoption ethics in three minutes or less?

Beware the questions that are only asked as an opening to an opinion you do not want. The follow up opinions will be frequent. You can’t name your baby that. You really should consider natural birth. You will ask for the epidural when the labor starts! Breast is best! My kids were raised on formula and they are fine!

People will have opinions about sleeping and eating and baby carriers and strollers. There will be endless debates about breasts and bottles, epidurals and water births, the merits of open adoption. I don’t have any advice about any of that. I only have my story. I know what worked for me and you will learn what works for you. Listen closely, you have the answers inside. You are, after all, the mom God picked out special just for that perfect babe of yours. And lovely new mom, there is grace, oh so much grace in the motherhood dance, there is permission to get it wrong.

But there is one thing they will tell you that I am sure is wrong. There is one piece of advice that I will hand out freely and earnestly to anyone who will let me put it into their hands. Bring your whole self to motherhood, even the creative pieces, even the messy parts covered in paint and ink, soaked in un-attained dreams. Your baby needs their momma to dream.

Some will tell you to fold up your creativity, to tuck it away safely into a box labeled “maybe when the kids are bigger” and hope for the best in ten plus years. There are those who tell you that this time filled with onesies and blankets, binkies and bottles is the time when the creative piece of yourself will need to go dormant. There simply is not time.

Don’t listen to that garbage. I may not know whether or not you should work, but I am sure your child needs their whole mother. All of her. If you are a painter, paint, if you are a writer write, if you are a culinary genius bake it out (and send me a care package, I’ll leave you my address.) Your babies need all of you, even the creative part, especially the creative parts, the parts that make you feel alive and whole and hopeful. Your babies need their momma to be all of those things. They need to see you being your whole entire self. It gives them permission to be their whole-selves too.

Please read the rest of this wonderful article at: Elora Nicole's Blog

Ashley, I wish for you all the fun and craziness I had being mom to you four! You are a great mom! Love you!

---Katie (Mom, Gramma)